Have you ever felt that life was passing you by? Did you ever feel like there was something missing?
All the time. Insatisfecho e inconforme con respecto a todo y el tiempo sigue pasando. Un poco de todo, mucho de nada; medio escritor, medio cellista, medio ingeniero. Viviendo a medias, medio vivo. La tercera parte de una vida promedio y no soy la tercera parte de nada.
-You're lucky to have that... all that. New York, the fashion thing, the gay thing. Lucky because you belong, I guess that's what I mean. When you're gay you're part of something, aren't you? Part of the scene.
- You don't know the gay scene in Limerick.
-It's a scene... There's nothing like it if you're straight.
-You want me to get you an application form? We're always in the look-out for new talent.
-No thanks. I'm doin' all right.
-Maybe you don't know it: It sounds to me like you're lonely.
-I'm not, I'm grand...
I've said I wasn't so many times that I believed it for a while. "Es cómodo", me decía mientras cargaba a un muerto en la espalda; pero a pesar de la comodidad I keep feeling there's something missing, don't I? I'm not comfortable and I'm not grand at all.
Did you ever feel like you were missing out? Did you ever feel like you didn't belong? I used to feel that way. Big time. I thought that by changing the way I looked + dressed, I could plug all the gaps in my life. I wanted to be a part of something, anything. I didn't care what. I didn't care how. I thought that I could buy a style. A style to change me, create a new me, make me someone else. It was only when I realize how wrong I was that I suddenly saw the person I wanted to be, looking right back at me.
Now, for the first time in my life, I can see what is beautiful and what's really important. And it's all around, so close I just have to reach out and it's there. I've found my voice.
(Cowboys and Angels, 2003)
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